FILM : Amour - The End of their Time

It's deserved to laud this film about a soul-mate couple whose 80-some years come to an end.  They are high culture: two musicians and teachers who have lived lives of discipline and devotion to the piano.  In this it is reminiscent of the character played by Christopher Walken in The Late Quartet.  They face the end of life together in a the typical,  predictable downward gyre caused by strokes and advanced old age.

The pace of the film is chillingly glacial.  And clinical - as a person who has and is experiencing the decline and passing of parents, friends, and an ex-spouse,  I can testify to the shocking quality of viewing this and being the caregiver. Here's this info: it's much worse than the film depicts.

 However this may be useful as a documentary for those who haven't had to endure throughout a life's end, there's only teeth-gritting patience and the certain knowledge of what comes next for the rest of us.  I found this makes the film boring, stifling, and immensely sad, the same way the caregiving process was for me.

The husband is called a "monster" and "loving" by his wife at one point; and so he proves to be, descending into obsession.  The pigeon who flies into the apartment is released the first time, but after he smothers his wife with a pillow, he captures the pigeon with a blanket and smothers it, too, cradling it and cooing to it like a baby.

Of course the film is an excellent film, with superior acting, directing, and editing.  As I left the theater, I realized that I had been released from the ambiguity and pain I'd always carried about the choices made to give care to my own parents in their passing.

I wouldn't want what happened to that couple to have happened to my own parents.  I am grateful that their passing, as slow and sad as it was, was theirs, not taken from them in anger or grief.  They had their dignity, making their own choices, even as they suffered as I shall.  No storm clouds loom over their story, as they did in Amour.

I pray for the grace to accept the circumstances that will be my particular finality and endure the indignities and pain that will end love.  Maybe that's the reason death is so painful -to give up  human love must and needs, hurt body and soul most grievously.