Matt McLean and Lisa Chen’s wedding
We drove to Palo Alto to be guests at John’s cousin Star’s child (Matt). Star is one of three sisters: Lisa and Judith are the others. John grew up with them, as did his sister Katharine, who is here too. Also Dayton and Laura and their children, Dayton Palmer and Ginny, and Tessa Harbor, Lisa’s lovely daughter, whose wedding we attended 3 years ago. The Adamson sisters grew up in an activist East Coast intellectual home.
Star married Kenny, an African American man she’d met in high school. Their 3 children, Matt, Josh, and Emily, are extra-ordinarily talented, handsome, and intelligent young people. Kenny and Star were divorced when the children were teenagers. A few years later, she had a serious stroke at about age 54, and is now in a wheelchair life-bound.
An old lover returned and began to care for her, Archie, an amazing and full-of-grace occurrence - then Archie had a stroke, too, and so Judith and Lisa began to care for Star and Archie, and a foster child Star had picked up along the way.
Star has recovered her speech and most mental faculties, but has processing and attention issues. To see her at age 52 with her life in such vertigo makes me urgently bless each day I wake in health and vigor to begin anew.
Star's eldest son, Matt, married Lisa Chen, his long time girlfriend. They met at Stanford as freshmen, and now it’s 10 year later. These fine young people work at bettering humanity in medical technology design and world public health, and their love is passionate, young, strong, and joyous.
Star made a toast that she stumbled badly over but which only made the moment more poignant. I felt tears running down my face and then when they danced, Star leaning trustfully upon his shoulder, shuffling her feet to turn and follow her son’s lead, they began again.
Judith, aunt to the groom, performed the wedding ceremony. She will return to upstate New York this year to care for Star.
Lisa, another sister/aunt, is an artist/activist in upstate New York. I enjoyed talking with her, we are both very interested in studio work, and that makes for an animated exchange.
Katharine, John’s sister, is back in Berkeley after a stop-over in New Canaan to supervise/visit Lib, John’s mother. She too works diligently, supervising their rapidly aging/deteriorating mother’s needs and care.
She is a remarkable woman of many accomplishments, polished, intellectually and aesthetically few people’s equal, always interesting and thoughtful to talk to.
I am finding that I enjoy myself and the places I go now so much. So much has fallen away, so much remains.
It used to mean so much to me what all thought of me. Now a sea change - again. It seems to no longer concern me that people are impressed with me. I have settled on some things - that most people care little about art or others, or about me, anyway, and that’s OK. I have myself now, and have no need to seek acceptance. Since KF and I fell out, I have become free - to please myself - as Rick Nelson sang in “Garden Party”.
It also doesn’t matter to me any longer that my painting will be disposed of after my death. I only wish to do it for myself now, in a new and pure spirit and intention that I’ve discovered - as if I’d brushed away enough dust, or mined it, - it was waiting for me to find, I think.
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